Sep 9, 2020
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I am joined by my good friend, Angela Aja, who is the founder and the CEO of Angela Aja Coaching. She's also a best-selling author of the book Summoned to Fear. She is a certified life coach with well over 30 years of mentoring and coaching experience, training heart-centered leaders to shape impactful lives for themselves and their communities.
Now, Angela has been from the pinnacle of success to the depths of despair. After a devastating family setback, Angela has overcome her own adversity, taking advantage of opportunities before her and turned tragedy into triumph, growth, and expansion. Angela's message is clear, that every human being has an opportunity to turn their setbacks into comebacks and soar to new heights. So that is one of the reasons that I wanted to have Angela on, because a lot of our traders, a lot of our community can deal with that same situation, where they were riding high and then there was a setback, maybe they went down to the pits of despair and then now they're crawling back, or maybe they're just getting started and these despair pits are coming into the future.
So Angela, welcome to the show.
Thank you so much, Allen. I'm really excited to be here and speak to your listeners and just really encourage them and inspire them to just live their fullest life.
Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, thank you for coming and sharing your message with us. Now, we mentioned that you had overcome a lot of adversity. One of the reasons I wanted to have you on is because fear is a very overwhelming emotion. I believe that trading has different parts of it. As a mentor or an educator I can give my traders the how to do it, the step by steps, like hey, do this, do this, do this. What I can't do is actually make them do it, you know?
Yeah.
Sometimes I'd be great if I could just reach over through the screen and just press the button for them and say, "Here, just do the trade."
Right, right.
There is something holding them back. So why do you think fear stops so many people on their tracks?
Well, that's a great question, and I really love to talk about fear, which sounds kind of crazy. Where we are today is a result of what we've been thinking. So if you want to go somewhere or do something new, or have something new, you have to think something different. As a transformational life coach, for me it's all about mindset. So I believe in all of my experience of dealing with people, fear is one of those things that holds people back. I have found that we actually fear fear.
Tony Robbins, I think it was Tony Robbins, he said this one statement that really helped me create a lot of major shifts in my own life, and that is he said that fear is nothing more than the thought that you can't handle whatever comes your way. When you boil it down, that's all fear is. Many times fear is just we're presuming our past upon our future. So when you boil it down, fear really is nothing more than one thought, and that is that I can't handle it.
Or maybe it's the unknown, that they don't know what is about to come.
Yeah, exactly. And that if the unknown happens I won't be able to handle whatever it is that happens. If you think back over your life, think about all the things that you've handled like a boss. Think about all the things. For those that are listening, I want you to think about for a minute all of the things that you have overcome. So you are capable, you can handle. If you just look at your past track record, you can handle whatever comes your way. So really if you begin to come from the new mindset that it doesn't matter what happens to me, I can handle whatever comes my way, then it takes the sting of fear away. I find that a lot of people have a real fear of failure, right?
Definitely.
I mean, really that's the big thing. When you talk about fear, like what if it fails and I can't handle it? What if it fails and I don't know what to do? What if it fails and I end up in the pit of despair? But I think when we're afraid of that failure what we're really afraid of is success. The reason I say that is because I believe that in most cases we are equating success with a lack of failure, but if you study anyone that has accomplished anything from a baby learning how to walk to the geniuses of history, their journey to success is paved with a road of failures.
Here's what I mean by that, is that when I suffered a devastating divorce, and of course one of those things that I did not think I could handle. I was married to a pastor. So I was a pastor's wife and I would speak from the pulpit. I went from speaking from the pulpit to selling windows door-to-door. Here I was, shy, an introvert, I was just ... I didn't have a lot of formal training in terms of education. I had gone to Bible college, so I wasn't super hireable after my divorce.
I can imagine.
Yeah. Nobody really wanted a job description with three years of children's education. So I had to get creative and I found a job selling windows door-to-door. I was petrified, but this old school salesman took me under his wing and trained me. So he would pull up to a door and he would say, "Now, walk up to the door and go say this." And I would, and sometimes I would come back to the car crying. He would say, "What did you say?" And he'd say, "Now go do it again." What he taught me was that for every, I don't remember what the number was, but let's say for every nine nos there is a yes.
So he taught me get out there and go after your nos, don't go after your yeses. Get out there, if you go get your nos your yeses will be there. What that taught me was that somebody saying no to me, something not turning out the way that I expected it to, something that I had maybe in the past deemed as a failure no longer had the sting that it once had, because I realized this is part of the process.
Right, you're paying your dues.
That's right, that's right.
Now, I get that, and I know that in the beginning we tell just about all of our people that when they're starting, they're going to lose money, right? Because they don't know what buttons to push and they don't know exactly what's going to happen and how to react to it and whatnot. So most likely they're going to lose money in the beginning, so they should start small, start with smaller trades, a little bit of money, not too much at risk. In a sales point of view you can get up and say, "Okay, I'm going to knock on 100 doors and even if everybody says no then that's okay because I didn't really lose anything except maybe a day or two of my time." But I know what some of our traders are thinking is I only have X dollars that I can learn with. So if I do this trade and I lose, then my number, it goes down, so I'm losing and I'm having less, and less, and less until eventually everything goes away.
So how do you overcome that type of mentality? Because I know that in the beginning it takes a while to learn and you pay your dues, but how do we overcome that feeling or that fear? The fear I know you said it's a thought, and I agree with that, but for some people they internalize that thought so much that it becomes like a feeling. They actually feel inside their stomach or inside their gut or something like they're about to put a trade on and they start shaking because that feeling that they're going to lose, maybe they're already convinced themselves that they're going to lose. I don't know, how would you handle that?
Well, I think that we are used to, again, like fearing fear. We think that if we fear that that should stop us or that that holds us back. You know the old saying of feel the fear and do it anyway. Fear does not ... When you change your mindset about what fear really is, then it no longer has to stop you. It can literally be the thing that catapults you into ... Because it's not fear or lack of fear that actually makes you the money, it's the action, it's pressing that button.
Right.
The other thing is is that what I teach people that I work with is that loss [inaudible 00:10:50] does not have to equal lack.
Okay, could you repeat that? Because you cut out a little bit.
Yeah. Loss does not have to equal lack.
Okay.
Loss could equal investment, that you're investing into your future. You're investing into your knowledge, you're investing into your wisdom.
You're getting experience.
You're getting experience.
By learning what not to do.
That's it. That's it. So I think that, again, looking at it from a mindset point that we move in the direction of what we focus on. So really it has to do what we're focusing on. So I still fear. I still feel afraid all the time, but it's what I focus on, and what I focus it on is the end result that I'm looking for and that it's the experience that I want to gain from my actions. So then that gives me the courage to take action because I'm not identifying the ... I'm not letting identifying that fear and loss as failure, but I'm identifying it as hey, this is a part of my process.
So it's just steps on the path.
That's it.
So what I'm hearing is that you're saying that it's more of a mindset than anything else and that we should be instead of looking and saying, "Okay, what's the worst that's going to happen?" We should be looking at it hey, why don't we focus on what's good that's going to happen or what is the best that could happen? Focus on that and not worry about the bad stuff.
That's it. That's it right there. A lot of times when people come to me they want to have coaching, want to work with me. They're thinking about all the things that are going wrong in their life, and they're thinking about all their problems, and they're thinking about all the things that are stopping them. I like to ask this one question, because one question can change the whole world. One question can change everything. So this one question really changed the game for me. I was thinking about my setback and all of the wrong that had been done to me. I was thinking about all the bad in my situation, and someone said to me, they said, "What's great about that?" and I was like, "What? What are you talking about?"
Yeah.
What's great about the fact? Okay, I'm divorced, I'm living on the floor. I went from wearing a Rolex with diamonds to selling windows door-to-door, to standing in the food stamp line. What's great about that? Yeah, I don't know. But it caused me to dig deep and it caused me to really think about okay, how can this serve me? How can this become a stepping stone for me? So when it comes to pushing the button and learning trading, I think if you just realize that if you're feeling afraid it's just the mindset that oh my gosh, if I push the button I might lose this. Well, you can handle it. Loss does not equal lack. That loss means you're investing in yourself. So you start thinking about even if you've had a loss, hey, what is great about this? What are the lessons that you learned that you will apply next time that will lead to your actual success?
Exactly. Yeah. I mean, there are so many stories that we get. One of the things that I really enjoy is when somebody emails us or calls us and we're talking to somebody about their first trade, the very, very first they put on. They said, "Oh, I did this and it worked exactly like you said it was going to be." And it's like okay, that's great that you made money. I don't really care about that part, but the fact that you took action and that you actually did it, to me that's like breaking the barrier. That's like okay, if you can do that first step, you can break the ice, then yeah, you can just do it over, and over, and over, and over again. I totally hear what you're saying, because even now. I mean, I've been trading for, I don't know, maybe 15 years now full-time. I'll have to check the exact numbers, but it's somewhere around there, and I have a lot of money invested in the stock market, and people ask me, it's like, "What if it goes down tomorrow?" It could go down, that could happen. So we put things in place to protect ourselves, but I know that I can't really control it, but I know that it's a long game. Like you said, it's not just knocking on one door and if you don't make the sale you get shot in the head. It's not like that.
Exactly.
You get to do it again and again. So I want to play the game where I'm going to be doing this for the next 15, 20, 30 years. So if I'm playing that game, the long game, then I'm not taking as big risks as other people are that get blown up and lose everything.
Yeah.
If we set it up in that way where we know the risk and we know what the gain is but we focus on the gain more, then even if we do lose once in a while it's not going to totally destroy us.
Yeah. Another question that my coach, years ago my very first coach that I had asked me was again, one of those questions that kind of made my mind go like, "What?" Here I was, I had been, again, divorced, and living on the floor with my kids. I had been ... He had made some decisions that didn't include his family and that kind of thing. I was stuck as the victim. Even though I had been victimized, I stayed the victim in my mindset and I wasn't moving forward, because that felt easier for me just to stay the victim.
Exactly.
She asked me, my coach asked me this one question, and she said, "What was your contribution?" I mean, that question, it made me really mad.
What was your contribution?
Yes.
I'm going to write that down too.
So here I was the one that had been victimized in a sense, that I had been done wrong. She asked me, "What was your contribution?" And it made me so angry, but I decided to sit with that question. I realized that my contribution was that I didn't know who I was. I lived my life trying to make everyone else happy and I had completely lost my joy. Because I was brave enough to sit with that question it really opened the door for what I do now and helping people really discover their purpose, why they're here, really shift their mindsets. The reason I bring that question up is because I think that's a great question for your listeners, that if they have lost in the market it would be real easy for them to say, "Well, it was the market's fault."
Yeah, exactly.
And feel like they're the victim to the market, but if they asked themselves that question, well, what was your contribution? Well, if you've set yourself up, like you said, with protection, layers of protection, then again, that loss does not take you out. So really sitting with that question. If you've lost, what was your contribution?
Again, what it does is it pulls those lessons out so that the sting of fear, so that the sting of loss it becomes a gift to you.
Yeah. That's big, that's huge right there, how to get over that, because we have so many people who want to, I mean, they sincerely they want to achieve, they want to learn, they want to take the next step, but there's something blocking them. A lot of times it's like well, what's the problem? We've shown you examples that it works, we've shown you other people that it's worked for them, it's been working for me. What is it that's holding you back? And they're always like, "Well, I tried something else in the past and it didn't work." Or, "I tried to learn it and I lost because of the market." Or because of something else, or because of this other course that I took, or the economy was bad, or my spouse wasn't helpful. It's always, like you said, it's always something else. Very few times do I hear that oh, you know what? I just didn't pay attention and that's why I lost money, you know?
Right, right.
There's very little self-responsibility. It's always something else, something else. So is it that simple, just ask yourself that question and sit with it until you come up with the answer?
Well, I mean, yes, it is that simple. I know we make it a lot harder. It comes down to what do you want? As human beings we only have two motivations. We're either going after what we want or we're avoiding what we don't want.
Exactly.
So if you decide, get really clear about what you want and then go after that, then fear is nothing more, you can recognize fear is nothing more than just an excuse. Because if we make something hard ... Like how many times, I'm sure you hear this a lot, people say, "Well, this is hard."
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
If you make something hard, then it becomes unobtainable, right? In our minds we say it's hard and that lets us off the hook. So if it's unobtainable then it becomes our excuse. Well, we don't have to do it, we don't have to figure it out, we don't have to go make another trade and try it again because it's hard.
Exactly. Either that they say something like, "Oh, I can't predict what the market is going to do or what the stock is going to do." Or, "I don't know how to do X." Whether it's I don't know how to look at the trade, or analyze it, or look at the little lines on the charts that people draw all over the place. It's always I don't know how to do this, so I'm not going to do anything at all.
Right, right. Yeah, it is that easy. Focus on what you want. If that's what you want and you want to go for it, then invest in yourself and consider those loses your investment, and feel the fear and do it anyway. Just learn and grow. Like you said earlier, when I was out there knocking on doors I literally came back to the car crying every day my first week. I could have just given up, but because I did not give up I just kept doing it anyway and I would keep making those small little tweaks. I'd come back to the car and he'd say, "What did you say." And he'd say, "Now go back out and say it but don't say that, say this." And I would go do that. I trusted the process and I trusted my coach, and I ended up becoming number one in five states.
Wow.
Here I was this shy introverted mother of four that had just been divorce. Those thing, fear, and loss, and lack of knowledge, we're used to letting those stop us, but they can also at the same time that they can stop you they can be the thing that fuels you.
Yeah, I totally agree with you. So I think in this situation would you say that you succeeded, because anybody else could've done the same thing, right? I mean, if you'll agree with me that-
Yes.
... there wasn't anything magical about what you did or what he told you.
Right.
There are some tricks, but yeah, everybody could learn from him, everybody could go do the same thing. So would you say, and I'm sure this is true in most sales organizations, most of the people don't survive, they fall out, they give up, they quit, they fail at selling. So for you to be number one in five states, would you say it was because of your overwhelming drive of what you wanted or were you afraid of what was going to happen if you did not succeed?
I think it started out at first, this was before I understood coaching, so I think at first when I was doing that I think there was a fear of okay, I have four kids to take care of, I have four kids to put through college. What the heck am I going to do? I don't have a good résumé. So I think there was some fear, but I think it did switch, because I remember a point where something rose up inside of me and I decided that I was no longer going to be the victim and I decided that I was going to be a success and that a little failure here and there did not detract from who I was as a person. I decided I am a successful person, so because I'm a successful person I'm going to get out there and take the actions that a successful person would take. So I ended up successful.
So I think it did start out that way, but I do remember that moment where there was a shift inside of me and I was like, "You know what? I don't care how many doors I have to knock on. I'm going to go connect with people." I believed in the product, I really did, I loved ... I mean, as funny as it sounds, I loved the windows that we sold and they really did help people. They were triple pane and they cut people's energy bills, and I knew ... What I did is I learned the art of walking up to a house, I learned the art of [inaudible 00:27:08] to the houses that I knew had all the buying signs and they really needed the windows. So I learned my art, and I think that applies to your listeners, is that you do have to learn the art and learn the skill.
One of the things that I teach is confidence for women, but confidence, the confidence that I teach is not just walking into a room and feeling good about yourself. My definition of confidence is the way that Amelia Earhart defined it. She defined confidence as the willingness to go after her impossible and the belief in herself that she could make it happen. She was the first woman to cross the transatlantic flying solo, and it had never been done, especially not even by a woman. So she was stepping out and stepping into an arena, there was no path for her. She had to go out and create the path. So it took this bravery, but she decided this is the impossible that I want to create, and I'm just going to go after it and believe in myself that I can do it. That is what she attributes her ability to accomplish such a great feat to, was that right there.
So with your listeners, just decide hey, I want to be successful at this, this is what I want and I'm going to put the time in, put the effort in. I'm going to learn the skill, I'm going to learn the art, but I'm also going to believe in myself and I'm going to take the necessary steps to protect myself financially. Obviously I'm thinking, I'm guessing that you're not encouraging people that if this is their last dollar put your last dollar in.
No, no.
So they have to be smart about it and listen to their coach, but just that belief. A loss is not going to define me and take away who I define myself as successful.
Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So I do have a followup question on that one, was when you had that epiphany, when you had that switch, that mental switch that you went from victim to I guess victor.
Yeah.
How did you make that switch? Was it something that just occurred to you, or something happened, or was it something that did you have a coach that was helping you? What was that process like?
I think that probably was about the time when I did have a coach, because she really helped me, what she really helped me do was step out of that victimhood and living that victimhood every day. I think before everything happened, before my setback had occurred, I did a lot of reading. I was always studying success and the mindsets of a successful person. So I think there were seeds inside of me that were there. When a seed goes into the ground it's covered up by dirt and sometimes it's covered up by manure, but that manure, the stuff we go through in life is what feeds us and expedites our growth. So I think there were seeds inside of me of success.
I grew up in a Christian home, I grew up ... We had success in the ministry right away, so I kind of was in that ... I had the perfect life, so I thought. Really it was that setback, without that setback that became the fertilizer for all of the success, principles that I had put inside of me in my younger years. I think the setback it really did become that fertilizer, and then just sitting in that place of really thinking about what do I want. Here I have basically lost everything. What do I want to do with this? I can even just stay here and kind of stew in this negative spot or I can make something of this. I think that's what I was thinking. Okay, what am I going to do this with? I have an opportunity to reinvent myself. So I decided that's what I wanted, and I started going after that.
Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, I mean, I had a similar story. I don't know, for me when I started investing and trading I lost a lot of money right off the bat. It was at the point where I had lost so much and financially we were kind of desperate. So it was okay, either I need to turn it around right away or I need to go out and get a job.
Yeah, yeah.
So I had that my back to the wall feeling I had, like you have to succeed no matter what because the alternative was too painful. So since then we've had success and things have been built, but it's interesting, and I ask that question because I don't know if I've actually made that switch yet in my mind. I don't know if I've ... I still, I have confidence in my trade, I know what I'm doing, but if somebody were to say, if someone was introduce me as, "Oh my god, look, here's a super successful trader." I'd be like, "oh, knock it off. That's not me." So I still have issues with that part of it, of seeing myself as the new me that I've wanted to be or that maybe even I am based on the numbers, other people say that all the time, but to me it's like nah, that's not ... Anybody could do that.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
Well, I have to bring it back here. I know this might sound a little funny for your readers, but I have a butterfly necklace on here because I'm known as the butterfly lady, and I did not intend on becoming the butterfly lady, but what happened is is that I realized that I started looking at the journey of my life, and I started realizing that my life, my journey, it mimicked that of a caterpillar going to a butterfly. So I wrote a book called Summoned to Soar: Five Stages of the Rise of a Woman. So in that book I show how every woman, actually every human being has an opportunity to go through five stages to make their greatest comeback. There's something so interesting about the butterfly, and I know most of your listeners are probably guys and they're probably thinking, "What in the world am I going to learn from a butterfly?" But this is really incredible.
When the caterpillar goes into the cocoon, most of the times the cocoon hangs upside down. So there's times in our lives when life gets turned upside down, but when life gets turned upside down that means you're properly positioned for a transformation. I don't know if you know this, Allen, but did you know that the caterpillar does not turn into the butterfly?
No. That's not what my four-year-old told me. She told me just the other day. She was like, "This happens, and this happens, and this happens, and this happens."
Well, listen, let me explain myself. Okay, so the DNA of the butterfly is inside of the caterpillar. When the caterpillar goes into the cocoon, enzymes are released that literally melt her into liquid form, and they actually call it pupa soup. So the encasement, the old encasement has to be melted away so that the DNA of that butterfly can be revealed, reshaped, and reformed. So I believe it's the same with us as human beings, that the DNA of our purpose, the DNA of our greatness is inside of us, but we have to be willing to let go of the man or the woman that was created by fears, failures and disappointments.
So this is so incredible, but when the whole time that the caterpillar is in the cocoon she can't excrete, so she can't go to the bathroom. So here she is, she's face-to-face, excuse my language, but she's face-to-face with her own crap. So it's when we take time to sit with ourselves, and look at the old fears, failures, and imperfections that we have allowed to define us as a caterpillar, that's when the transformation can take place. If she goes through the full process, she's this little caterpillar, she's in the cocoon, she becomes liquid form, the DNA of the butterfly starts to go through this transformation and she becomes this beautiful butterfly, and all of a sudden she's like, "Okay, I know it's time to break out." And the only way for her to break out is to kick her way out.
Sometimes breakthrough is hard work. So even with your listeners, when they're trying to break through to their next level financially and they're going to use trading as that avenue, this is not supposed to be an easy road. Breakthrough, breaking through your mindsets that have held you captive where you're at, breaking through your ideas of what success is, breaking through all that is hard work, but if you're willing to go through the process then you break free. What happens is is that once that little butterfly, she breaks out of the cocoon, she falls to the ground in exhaustion and she's laying there. As she's laying there then she's got these new things, and she's like, "Hmm, I just feel like I'm supposed to flap them." So she starts flapping, and as she starts to flap her wings all of the excrement that was in the cocoon with her literally gets shot back up into her body and into her wings and hardens.
Really.
So all of the crap that you've been through is what gives you the strength to fly. So whether it's your traders, whether it's a man or a woman that has gone through a divorce, whether it's ... No matter what it is. What happens is we get used to seeing ourselves as merely a caterpillar, but the DNA of your butterfly is inside of you, the DNA of your purpose is inside of you, and being willing to let go of that old mindset of I'm just a caterpillar, I'm just this, I'm just that. The reason it is imperative for every man and every woman to become a butterfly to soar is because of this one thing, and this is why I wrote the book, Summoned to Soar, is because when the caterpillar, sorry, when the butterfly begins to flap her wings, she can fly, she can go places that she's never gone before, she can do things that she's never done before.
Exactly.
But something incredible happens. As she is faithful to flap her wings and do what she was created to do, she can catch the tailwind and the tailwind can carry her to places that she can never go on her own. So something magical does happen, something ... That success, when you're ... Think about somebody who they're putting step, it's like going viral. It's like something magical happens where you go from-
There's an outside influence that comes in and just takes you.
Yes. Yes. So even for your listeners, I just want to encourage them and inspire them. Get in touch with the DNA of your purpose, of that call. Go after what you want. Decide, I am successful, and so I'm just going to do the actions that a successful person would do, and I'm not going to let a loss define me. I'm not going to let fear define me.
And stop me, yeah.
And stop me. That's it.
That's one thing about the butterfly and the cocoon. I know one of our friends had got us one, I guess you can buy them or maybe she got it off the ground, I don't know, but there was a caterpillar and there were some little sticks or leaves in a cup, and she had covered the cup. She gave it to us, and she said, "Look. Here, hold this, keep it, and it's going to turn into a butterfly."
Yeah.
So we were watching it day after day and the caterpillar is walking around, I guess eating the leaves, and then finally it turned into a cocoon. We're waiting, and we're waiting, and we're waiting, and we're waiting and nothing happened. My wife got a little, like maybe it died. What happened? Maybe we should help it. So she took a little, like a pin, and she poked a little hole in the bottom of the butterfly, the cocoon, and it died. The poor thing died, and then we told our friend and she's like, "No, you have to let it kick its way out by itself because otherwise it won't be strong enough to survive outside of the cocoon if it gets the help. It has to do it by itself."
Yeah, so Allen, your listeners, they have to push the button.
Yeah.
They have to do it. You know what I mean?
Exactly.
You can't push the button for them.
Right.
So yeah, it's exactly. It's the kicking that strengthens the butterfly for flight. So pushing that button, it's preparing them for the next level of success.
Yep. So okay, one final question for you before I know you got to go. So then how do we get clear about what we want? How do I know okay, I'm caterpillar now, I want to be the butterfly, how do I know what the butterfly looks like?
Well, that's a really great question. I think that you can do that a couple different ways. I think you can do it just by ... I think there's a lot of breakthroughs that you can get on your own if you listen to yourself think and you listen to yourself talk.
Okay.
Then I'm a big proponent of journaling, of really just dream building. You have to have that quiet time where you can really sit and think, what do I really want? Because we're not conditioned to sit and ask ourself, what do we want? We're mostly just conditioned to kind of get on the hamster wheel and stay on the hamster wheel. Go through life, do this [crosstalk 00:43:30].
This is what I'm supposed to do, you know?
Yeah.
My parents expect this, my kids want this, I got to do this.
Yes, but I believe that your dreams and your desires, all of that supports what your purpose is, the message that you're here to speak, the hurt that you're here to heal, all of those things. So really just taking the time to sit, and journal, and ask yourself the right questions. You can hire a life coach, which makes it go faster. I help people really identify who they are, why they're here and what they want to do in 12 weeks. So I help them do that quickly because I have a process so that you don't have to ask yourself, well what questions do I need to ask myself? What do I need to be journaling? So I kind of take you on that journey.
Can you give us a couple of those questions now?
Yeah. So one of the questions that, again, they're several questions that really changed my life. This one blew the doors off of everything for me. This is a big question, okay?
Mm-hmm (affirmative). I got my pen.
My life coach asked me, she said, "What do you really, really, really, really, really want?"
Six reallies, okay.
Because what happens is is that we settle for kind of the first really.
The superficial stuff kind of.
Yeah. When you start digging down, well, why do I want that? A great exercise that I like to take people through is called the five whys.
Yeah.
Again, it kind of helps you get to the answer to that question that I just asked. Well, what do you want? Well, why do you want that? But why do you want that?
What's important about that and why. Yeah, exactly.
What's important. That's it, yeah. So it helps you just to drill down, because I think that a lot of times for most of us we just settle and we don't take the time to really get in touch with what is our heart really longing for. When you know that, then you get tunnel vision.
Yeah.
It's like a horse with blinders. You're no longer distracted by other people's dramas, you don't have to be a people pleaser, you're no longer a perfectionist, you're no longer a procrastinator, you're focused.
You work on your own self and you don't worry about anybody else or what they think about you, or what their expectations are. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, you just go.
Awesome. So Angela, how do our listeners find out more about you? You have a website or ...
I do.
I know your book is called Summoned to Soar.
Yeah, yeah. So my book is on Amazon, but really everything is at angelaaja.com, www.angelaaja, A-N-G-E-L-A-A-J-A.com.
Okay, cool.
A link to my book in on there, coaching, everything.
Awesome, awesome. You said you had a 12 week program where they can figure out what they want and who they are and all that.
Mm-hmm (affirmative), yeah. So, I mean, if anybody is interested in that there's a place where they can book a call and-
And talk to you to see if it would be a good fit.
Yep.
You do one-on-one as well if they need that?
Uh-huh (affirmative), yes. I sure do.
Awesome, awesome.
Yes. Thank you so much.
Great.
This was really fun.
No, this was wonderful. Thank you. Yeah, I took a whole bunch of notes. All your questions, I got them.
Good, good.
That was awesome. Great. Thank you so much, Angela.
Awesome. Thank you.
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